It IS you, Peter!

Well, thank goodness I've pulled it together since my previous posts! I'm not sure why I was on such a course to unravel, but I think I had to unravel a bit in order to figure out where I wanted to be - if that makes any sense. I learned some eye-opening information during my melt down period about all three of my trio of kryptonite. Fortunately, even though at the time most of it was hard to digest, what I learned brought me some closure with each of them. Even though some of it still hurts I am confident that I am better off without them. Lucky even. And now everything in my life is changing and I am changing. It is exciting, and scary, and a little overwhelming, but I think they will ultimately be good changes. I was also recently, on my 29th birthday, given two pieces of simple advice in passing that have caused me to open my eyes and see things in a different way. It is nothing I haven't heard before from various people, said in various ways, but for some reason in this instance, said by this person, it finally stuck. The first was to go with your gut, because it's never wrong. Even if you can explain something away in your mind, if your gut isn't buying it you shouldn't either. (And yes, as a science-y person I realize "gut" isn't a very technical or valid term - but bear with me here - what I really mean is "trust your instincts"). Second, this person made the observation that we tend to attract people in similar situations as ourselves, so if you're falling apart chances are the person you meet will be falling apart in some way themselves, and if you're squared away and happy, chances are you'll meet someone who is also squared away and happy. It is a simple concept, but it got me thinking. My parents have been telling me for YEARS that my problem with dating is that I always go for "Peter Pan's" - boys who don't want to grow up. I realized when my friend said this that I am/have been a Peter Pan, so no wonder that's who I have ended up dating over and over. I always associated my parent's use of Peter Pan with someone who wasn't achievement oriented, or didn't have their shit together (and often that was the case) but I felt like since I was on track with establishing a career and obtaining degrees that I was exempt from Peter Pan-ism. I had my "ah-ha" moment after my friend said this that even though I have been successful in school and in starting my career and becoming independent, I am still a Peter Pan. But, I'm working on it. I am at a point in my life where I am craving responsibility, and I actually want to grow up (a little - not completely yet!). So perhaps with all these changes, and my recent realizations, good things are on the horizon. At the very least I am finally in a place where I am content overall with where I am at, and I feel like I have the power to change the things I am less than thrilled with. And you can't really ask for anything more than that!