My heart is full

There are some days when everything seems to come together in a way that puts a smile on my face. It's nothing big, just a bunch of happy little things: the right amount of coffee, a good nights sleep, a message from a friend, the sun shining, a good song playing, and it all swirls together into a magical concoction of contentment. Today is one of those days. I have a great weekend to look forward to filled with old friends and adventure, I don't have class tomorrow morning so I get to sleep in if I choose to (ok, like there's any way I would choose not to), I got an email from a friend with a song attached that made my day, and I am getting stuff done around the house which is giving me a sense of accomplishment.
I have also been going through old pictures this week which has reminded me of all the fun times I've had, and as I was thinking about it I realized that the bad times seem to fade and all that's left are smiling faces captured in happy moments. This is important to remember because there will always be sad, hard times mixed in with the good, happy times, but it is mostly the happy times we remember (and should remember). And although this sounds weird it has also given me the opportunity to look back at the last few years of my life and forgive myself for all of the missteps I have made. I was so angry with myself for the first few years out of college because in college I f#@$%& around and had fun and got mediocre grades and then realized I had robbed myself of many opportunities (such as getting accepted to dental school). I felt so stuck and trapped by the choices I had made that led me to where I was, and because of that I withdrew from the people who had been in my life at that time, convinced that I needed to start over and change in order to succeed. Now that I am set on a career path that I actually enjoy, and I am "living up to my potential" in my mind, and I have changed some of the things that were contributing to my state of misery, I have finally realized how much I pushed everyone away and I am trying to change it. I have this urge to reconnect with everyone and I have been making efforts to reach out to people I haven't talked to in awhile. Luckily most of my friends are pretty receptive to my semi-sudden reappearance. This is probably a huge contributor to my sense of contentment on this bright and beautiful Wednesday. It has been a long time since I felt excitement rather than anxiety about my future. Since I graduated college in 2006 I have been a ball of worry. Where should I live? What should I do? Ok, now I know what I want to do but how do I get there from here? When will I meet people here who are like me that I can be friends with? Will I be stuck living with my parents forever? What if I can't make it on my own? When will I fall in love? Will I ever get married and have children? All of these questions weighed me down and filled my heart with uncertainty. Recently I have been able to answer or negate the importance of many of those questions and I feel lighter not carrying them around with me. I am actually looking forward with excitement! And I find that lately the more I spend time with those near and dear to me, the more I stumble on little moments where my chest actually feels tight because my heart is so full of love and happiness and appreciation for the life that I have and the people I have in it.